contact me?some old photos i no longer SELLING journalolder entries from the past
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Saturday, August 6, 2005, 04:42 p.m., comment?
switching to LJ
i'm switching to LJ, cos my new life makes me feel out-of-place and i need some time to be alone. i'll probably be back blogging once i'm up and myself again, but in the meantime, friends-only:

Tuesday, July 26, 2005, 09:58 p.m., comment?

i hate everything that is going on with my life now, i wish i could just hide in my cave and never come out forever :(

Monday, July 18, 2005, 11:07 p.m., comment?
bad luck!!!
I just lost rm50!! I think I gave someone too much money shopping at Sungei Wang just now and the person didnt tell me!!!! :(

Also, my line can't be reconnected, when they emailed me the cancellation fee, it WAS cancelled already and cannot be reconnected. Don't bother calling me, any of you. I need to get a new line :(

Vincy has an infection!!! I'm worried for her and don't really wanna go back to singapore but there's no other choice. I feel very unhappy and dissastisfied with everything at the moment. Time is so constrained and there's so much I wanna do, like make sure vince is fine :(

Monday, July 18, 2005, 12:19 a.m., comment?
i would do nick cheung, anywhere, anyplace, if he let me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn.

Sunday, July 17, 2005, 11:53 p.m., comment?
i finally....

  • Downloaded all the songs that make me drool on Ups and Downs in the Sea of Love.. And other songs by Julian cheung cos he makes me hot too

  • Started packing, i've got 2 bags already!!! :) :) Packing way too much clothes, and almost nothing related to my academics ;)

  • Realised how much I love my family. I don't wanna leave actually. I never realised how much my relationship with the family improved. It's never been better, actually, I'm so scared to lose it =\

  • Found wellies for sale one AE!! These are one of the ugliest, weirdest AE things I've ever seen...

  • AM GOING DOWN TO SINGAPORE ON TUESDAY!!! CALL ME, SWEETHEARTS!!!!! (but i'll need to get my med checkup; student pass etcetc settled first)

Friday, July 15, 2005, 01:53 p.m., comment?

So I went to my hairdresser's today :)

I've got a fresh coat of redye to topup, and all my dry ruined hair have been chopped off. Meaning my curls are gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm scared to re-perm at the moment cos my hair status is quite fragile, aha!

Thursday, July 14, 2005, 01:06 a.m., comment?
past vs present

Wow. I nearly forgot I used to look like this. No wonder people tell me I've changed, even I can't see it sometimes. The first observation I made though, was that I've a lot less hair now. Damn all chemicals, why do I keep bringing myself back to the hairdressers!!! I plan to go for a redye session tomorrow -gulps- Anyway for purposes of strengthening my hair I was thinking of cutting it ultra utlra short, next sem :) What do you think? Shili's a supporter, she says it'll be cool. I'm not that sure yet, but I was kinda keen on it too! The hair's so damn long now, its hard to manage. It looks bad to me and I think it needs treatment. It needs to be chopped off. It needs to be natural again! HAHAHAHAA.

Okay, post bimbotic mode, I wonder why I was shown this picture again. To remind me of how innocent and sweet I used to be? To tell me you can't really recognise me anymore? I dunno. I suppose even I can't really recognise her. It feels weird saying this about myself, but she didn't know so many things about the world, wasn't materialistic or demanding yet, not so far-thinking; less guarded; and she loved whole-heartedly.. yeah in other words I'm trying to say the word gullible. I know I'm no longer that little girl you met in secondary school, but we were all forced to grow up, you know that. Look at your own pictures when you were in sec 4; post JC, and take a look at yourselves now. So circumstances make us who we are today, my circumstances forced me to be strong; found me other ways to be happy when I was periodically sad; lured me away from what wasn't eternal to something that could last forever-- like my obsession with mini skirts :P No, but seriously, I'm thankful for the ME now, who is able to pick me up quickly when I fall; build my defense whenever I need it; to shut out what isn't a neccessity for me to absorb anymore. I admit I do miss innocence always (and the unscarred physical appearance that comes with it); but I see now that its not always the best way to survive.

And so, another one bites the dust and you learn to be a bit more tough :)

Mum came back today. We talked about Spotty. I still miss her a lot, and thank you to all who tried to cheer me up, or let me know that they felt for me. I know not everyone understands how its like to lose a pet, but since I've never had children, my dogs are the closest to what a baby would be to me. Thanks for just listening to me whine and stuff. I must admit that I was quite irritated with some people, it also shows you how some people who claim to love just fuckingcaresomuch, they can't even say anything nice when your dog dies. Yeah, whatever. "Oh yeah, I know, I read your blog. Oh anyway, what's really cool that's happening in my life now is...... (who cares about your silly dog)" <-- people like you can eat up your conversation, I've lost 3/4 respect and love for you already, so you better watch it.

So today's conversation with a certain someone made me realise that I'm glad I no longer have to put in effort all the time into something because I want it to work. Have you ever waited all day for someone to call you? I have!!! But I won't anymore. So if you're in a rut like this next time, don't wait. Call me, I'll give you more lists of online shopping sites to check out online.

Going back to SG on tuesday!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2005, 09:28 p.m., comment?
Sorry I haven't posted, I've been away. Alot happened, but I'm not quite sure how to post about it. Spotty my darling had cancer, and it'd been 10 months already. Thats why she always looked so fat, it wasn't her fault, the tumor made her bloated :( It already spread and treatments wasnt a guaranteed success for her, so the father decided to put her down :( We went to see her at the clinic yesterday for one last time, and she was whining so bad when we left her; she was angry with us and refused to look at us when we called her to look at us for the last time. I'm very sad. I feel guilty cos I'm always the one bathing her but I never realised something was wrong when she didn't let me wash her tummy or her backside :( She's always sitting around and bleeding me we just thought she was perpetually in heat. We love spotty but we couldn't save her. She was only 2. How she must've suffered in silence and we were such horrible owners! Yesterday I realised how beautiful my darling spotty was, i'll never ever forget having a dalmation I was always so proud of in my life, even if it was only such a short period of time. I love Spotty forever and ever and I hope she gets to eat all day in Doggy Heaven cos Spotty's fav pastime is eating.

I love the malaysian scholars, esp shili, lili, ngeeshin, james and tecky :) you guys helped ease the pain by distracting me when we were gambling away all night ;)

Now that we're home, its painful to see Gary, Vincy, Snowny, but no more Spotty rushing over to snatch for food when we give out leftovers from dinner :(

Thursday, July 7, 2005, 09:53 p.m., comment?

omg. there have been at least 4 explosions in london on terror attacks.

Wednesday, July 6, 2005, 08:20 p.m., comment?
im brilliant!!
Ngeeshin wanted meringue;
Shili wanted brownies;

So I asked my mum to make meringue brownies!!! YAY!

Wednesday, July 6, 2005, 01:12 a.m., comment?
I'm scared!!!! Do u think NTU hasn't gotten my letter so they think I don't wanna be a student???!

Anyway I'm hungry now. I'm not sure why. I feel like I should eat a pie; drink some soya bean; eat the jelly cake and brush my teeth and sleep so I can wake up at 8.30 tomorrow to help mummy; but I'm lazy.

I have a love hate relationship with my new laptop because I have to press the "space" key harder than my older one. I still like it though, minus the spacebar.

I'm broke but I can't seem to stop browsing through online shops. I can't shop but it makes me happy looking, I guess.

I know I shouldn't look back and regret when I see people having fun in their respective uni choices but I do, sometimes.Maybe its because I can't see my own.

I'm not sure what's wrong with the way things are, between you and me. I wonder if I am being heartless and evil for being able to cut you off so quickly. I don't want to, but I had to and now I can.

I wonder if there is a world beyond mine, like in the to-be-out movie, Stay. If I could choose who I wanted to be in another world, I'd wanna be... I dunno. Something totally different. Someone really glamorous HOHOHO :P Just because ;) Does anyone want to read the script? Its DAMN BLOODY GOOD I tell you. MSN ME! I read the whole 106 pages nonstop.

Today, I feel like I love everyone that I know. I don't feel like this all the time, and I know its not a good habit. Its just that, sometimes I just like being left alone. Sometimes I want to be heard. I can't seem to remember what its like to treat people as equals.

I should brush my teeth but I left the brush in my parent's room this morning. I can't remember why.

Ngeeshin is beautiful in her blog. I want to be beautiful too.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005, 11:37 p.m., comment?

just wanted to say:
hi wei!!!!!!

i like you. you're damn cute, hahaha!

Tuesday, July 5, 2005, 05:11 p.m., comment?
There's a new movie coming out called Stay, starring Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts, and Ryan Gosling on October 14th, 2005. I just read the script, all 106 pages of it. Its amazing!! Shit I can't wait to watch it.

Monday, July 4, 2005, 09:31 p.m., comment?


Monday, July 4, 2005, 12:20 a.m., comment?
Poor vincy went to the vet today to get her tubes tied up. All 28kgs of her is now sitting lonely and sadly in the cage, gulping gallons of water but refusing food. Poorbaby. Normally she is the most hyperactive BFG around, but today she's just all died out from the anasthetic. Surgery is a scary thing. BUTT I guess its for the better in the long run! Then she won't be out of shape and fat like lazy Spotty who was wagging her tail happily, unaware that SHE WILL BE NEXT! Next week is Spotty's turn. She's getting all horny nowadays, licking baby Gary where-she-shouldn't-be-licking. Have to keep scolding that shameless dog. AIYOH!!

Period = moody rachel = pissed off = worried about phone bill

I'm tired.

Sunday, July 3, 2005, 01:42 a.m., comment?
female only post
If you are a fellow woman;

Do you hate the way your body becomes so bloated and fat during your period? Your face losing its usual glow but instead replaced with oil and, ugh, pimples? Don't you just wish you could remove the very existence of MENSTRUATION???? I do. Hell life is unfair. I look like a preggers woman now. Bah.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE, mdm wong removed the blackheads on my nose today when i went for my facial. yey! i love the few days after a good facial. i nearly fall asleep whenever she massages my face :):):) i hate the painful parts though, i always want to cry. i hadn't bothered with my brows for a long time too, so she plucked them for me. ouch!!! but i'm not sure why she can pluck at lightning speed, unlike me, who takes so damn long. So although it was a mixture of pleasure and pain, i still love feeling my face at the moment. Shall force mummy to let me go one more time before Singapore beckons again.

I considered writing to NTU again, this time to complain about the inefficiency of the hostel management. I don't even know when I should be checking in! If I hadn't emailed NTU Foreign Students awhile ago, I wouldn't even know estimated check in dates are 18th. And I checked the website, hall camps are on the 17th or 18th! So what, foreigners don't get the bulletin cos we're not invited? Fine, I won't go then!!!!

I got a new laptop. THE SAME MODEL AS MY SISTER'S because I am a loser and I was jealous of hers. HAHAAH. Poor daddy wants to take my old; overworked laptop. He sent it for reformatting and its supposedly fast and furious now; but I'm too lazy to turn it on to try it out. He claims he only needs to go online (which he does a lot!!) and to talk to us kids on Skype. I believe he's rather pleased! Mummy surprised us by saying she might buy one for herself end of the year. Whatever for, mummy? Hahahah!! But, its up to her la. she's become very "cultured" and "learned" and very cute after coming back from China. She's learning mandarin now cos she said the chinese people said she speaks the language smoothly and its pleasant to the ears!

Maybe thats why. The key to my mum's heart is to praise her. HAHAH.

Friday, July 1, 2005, 05:57 p.m., comment?
yay i like nicole!

Take the quiz: "Which Celebrity It Girl are You?"

You are Nicole. You used to be a hopeless sidekick, but you ditched that media whore and turned out, everyone loves you just as much! You are funny and sexy! As long as you keep being yourself everyone is gonna love you more than ever!

Friday, July 1, 2005, 03:29 p.m., comment?
okay i really have an unhealthy obsession,
but who wouldn't like these beautiful handmade babies; sigh

I've stopped shopping but not looking, I'm paying off all the internet debts at the moment. Tonight I'll probably take out some stuff to sell. Gary the dog just farted in my face. My mum just gave me a $100 to go for a facial, my period gave me 2 huge pimples that she can't stand, HAHAHAHAHA. =) I'm going to start packing, too, so I can know for sure what I want, and what I don't want ;)

Yes. I don't have to work late today, yippeeee!

Thursday, June 30, 2005, 10:23 p.m., comment?
So I hadn't posted about Jen's early birthday celebration yet, I'll do it now instead. It was LOADS OF FUN!!!! Simply because we went to Chili's and although I really much liked Ngee's mushroom thingy which was heavenly, the one me and lili had, which is similar to this:

Was very yummy too =) and filling. And we had a fun time being stupid and talking nonsense!

Speaking of rubbishy talk, William is such a cock, he's super funny! I think he's starting to grow on me. I hope we stay fine friends when we go back to Singapore. Oh no, he might go HK. Don't go HK!!! (I'm selfish, haha)

Sorry he gets special mention cos he's a "new friend", relatively. The rest of you know I love and appreciate your humour so no need to make any of your heads bigger HAHAHAHAHAH. Nahhhhh, OKOKOK Shili, next time we should call each other to find out what we're wearing, so we don't both end up wearing cropped cardis and looking like little jap twins together! Haha!! And Ngeeshin, I'm so going to miss you when you go off to UK, I dunno, I think its kinda weird but I feel like we've become closer since we all came back to M'sia, and I kinda like it =) I love you babe! Lili, gosh, we were like happy rich teenagers when we first came back from Singapore, meeting up all the time, but now we're so broke we stay at home. Yikes. Well we can stay at "home" together all the time in uni until we get sick of each other's faces. HAHAHHAHA! AND JEN I WILL MISS YOU WHEN WE ALL GO BACK TO SINGAPORE TOO! YOU'RE GORGEOUS AND ONE OF A KIND AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!! :) BE BRAVE AND WEAR OUR BAG. YOU'LL BE SUCH A HOTTIE IN UNI!!! The rest of you guys ah, james, teccky and yippy, hahahahhaha you guys are damn cute too. Mahjong all the way on 9th of june!!

Yup, we msian losers are having a hotel orgy, where we bring our mahjong tiles and playing cards and get all horny with one another. I CAN'T WAIT!!! LOL. Nah, we're just gonna gamble all night, reminiscing the last time they visited my haunted mansion/the VH dinnertime/ commonroom card sessions. WHEEEEEE. I love to gamble.

Lastly, I think sue ann is very sweet. MWUAH thank you sue ann =)

p/s pictures if you wanna see how silly we look!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005, 08:59 p.m., comment?
I am so screwed. I hereby solemnly swear, that until I go back to singapore I will no longer purchase anything online. This is not a one-time, oh rachel's just being stupid again thing. The last one I did keep it for a week or more! BUT THIS ONE IS DAMN SERIOUS. This is because today I received my staggering singtel bill from March, the last time I paid when I went back to collect A level Results. Cos its so long ago, Singtel wants to terminate the bill!!! So I have to figure out a way to pay it all back ASAP *BUT* my stupid bank acc has no more money at the moment (yeah cos I spent it, yes I know). Especially because the name is under poor charmaine's and I don't want her to feel bad or have bad record. So. So I have to prepare a heart of steel and sell away some of the frivolous items I have purchased over this season of recklessness and really, really, STOP. Its for my own good. It's for my own good. It's for my own good. Thankfully the only other serious bill to pay is the Netshop one. So I will be strong. for my own good. It's for my own good. Thankfully the only other serious bill to pay is the Netshop one. So I will be strong. I will only shop again when I know that I can get a secure income. I will only shop again when I know that I can get a secure income. for my own good. It's for my own good. Thankfully the only other serious bill to pay is the Netshop one. So I will be strong. I will only shop again when I know that I can get a secure income. for my own good. It's for my own good. Thankfully the only other serious bill to pay is the Netshop one. So I will be strong. I will only shop again when I know that I can get a secure income. for my own good. It's for my own good. Thankfully the only other serious bill to pay is the Netshop one. So I will be strong. I will only shop again when I know that I can get a secure income. for my own good. It's for my own good. Thankfully the only other serious bill to pay is the Netshop one. So I will be strong. I will only shop again when I know that I can get a secure income.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005, 05:47 p.m., comment?
I am rather relieved that the supre spree will be cancelled due to a lot of items being OOS. I save $100, and the exchange rates were a bit unbearably high anyways :(

I am slowly learning to save money. Its a painful process to let go of clothes you see and LOVE, but hell, I don't need to own every bloody thing in the world, right? Right? Right?


Tuesday, June 28, 2005, 01:17 p.m., comment?
Im going to be rude, harsh, unfriendly and irritated-sounding to YOU because my period is coming. I woke up with 4 huge pimples on my forehead and it bugs me. I'm sick of rudeness and bluntness and I won't hesitate to retaliate. What the hell. Is up. Why can't people. HAVE EQ, dammit.

Monday, June 27, 2005, 12:50 a.m., comment?

I'm going to be bitchy and comment about the english language level of some people before I hop off to bed. I'll admit beforehand that I am an elitist little nobody with an evil, uncompromising, unforgiving nature, but who cares?

Why the F*ck do people like to use the word "ever" wrongly in this manner??

"But I ever did bla bla bla a long time ago"

What is the "EVER" supposed to mean here??!?! It never fails to irk me when people use the word wrongly, but particularly tonight, I feel like being a bitch cos I was proven wrong, hahahahahahahaa. -evil rachel-

Sunday, June 26, 2005, 09:52 p.m., comment?
These should be arriving in my mailbox this week:

1. hollister henley but sleeveless
2. lux tank
3. abercrombie celine mini
4. heart bag
5. AE shorts + 2 tops (my 1st ebay AE buy!!)

Sunday, June 26, 2005, 06:06 p.m., comment?
catch a falling starre
Everyone needs to cheer up and be happy!!!

Moving on can sometimes be a positivity. What I feel is this: We are all still young, we have a long way to go :) Decisions and promises made while we are young doesn't constitute choices that should remain for a lifetime - if you get what I'm struggling to say here. At this stage, we are all still in the process of maturity, change, awareness; we have not fully reached our capacity. Examples of exemplary behavior at this stage are transient, and it should be cos if we remain stagnant and eternally the same person forever, then that would be cause for real worry.

I suppose I'm trying to say, very simply, that one day, examples to show us "everlasting-ness" and "eternal-ness" will come our way. At this stage, we're still young, all of us!!! :) So don't anyone go on giving up hope on anything. Like Shili says, "You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder." To me, it means that you can't chase what's not yours, but what is yours will come to you eventually :)

This reminds me of one of Donne's poems! Although the speaker is supposedly disillusioned cos he's saying that there are no more good and righteous women in the world-- but the underlying lines also show that he realises (and acknowledges) that love is not a search, you can't find it, force it, pursue it. It will come when its time to come. And that is your answer, Shili =)

John Donne

Go and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil's foot,
Teach me to hear mermaids singing,
Or to keep off envy's stinging,
And find
What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind.

If thou be'st born to strange sights,
Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights,
Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou return'st, wilt tell me,
All strange wonders that befell thee,
And swear,
No where
Lives a woman true and fair.

If thou find'st one, let me know,
Such a pilgrimage were sweet;
Yet do not, I would not go,
Though at next door we might meet,
Though she were true, when you met her,
And last, till you write your letter,
Yet she
Will be
False, ere I come, to two, or three.

Thats the way I see if, and if any Donne readers don't agree with me, yikes, to each his/her own!

*EDIT: I just wanted to add something. I think all of us shouldn't live by other people's examples, but be the ones who set examples for others to live by. =)

Sunday, June 26, 2005, 04:30 p.m., comment?
my friend;
pour a lot of water into a cup of concentrated tea; and it will become dilute; the taste will no longer be bitter.

Let time dissolve all feelings, let time heal all wounds. I'll be by your side =)

Friday, June 24, 2005, 08:56 p.m., comment?
i bought more bags..
Kill me please.

In this print:

Image hosted by

previous bag post - blushes-

I think I have a compulsive disorder. These are the bags I've bought since the last time I posted about bags. Gulp.

Thursday, June 23, 2005, 03:30 p.m., comment?
me long rant bah
Sometimes I feel sorry for people with famous blogs. What's up with people insulting bloggers like Xiaxue for airing her own honest views? Seriously I think people need to get a life. A blog is for one to write his/her own opinions, not write what other people think; nor does she need to only write nice/smart/politically correct things all the time.

People can be so prejudiced against others, they don't even see that they are the ones being petty and judgemental when they write her hatemail. Sure, you have the right to hate someone and tell the person whatever you think, but did you ever stop to think how it could hurt the person?
Say if the readers had put it across differently:

  • honestly but nicely and well-thought out;
  • or in a light-hearted, funny manner;
  • or even in a silly and childish way like how xiaxue did it (which turns around to also laugh at yourself the way xiaxue does- and i find cute)
    I believe it wouldn't hurt as much, but she'd be able to see what u disapproved of her writing. Was there any need to be so malicious and vicious? So uncouth and rude with the words? The comments were so stinging and biting, just downright rude in my humble opinion. I winced myself reading them! How I feel about this is: If you think she was hurtful to someone else, aren't you being hurtful as well by doing the same thing? And in such an unthoughtful manner? After all, I thought she was only airing her own thoughts about the entire situation, no harm done! The truth is she had aired her boobs, simple as that, and she gave her opinion on it.

    Geez, I think nowadays net things are getting carried too damn far away. Seriously, do you think Xiaxue asked to be the most popular blogger or whatever in the first place?? How many times do people change their blogs when people find out about them? The truth is, when you gain the publicity, you lose your private life. You being to have to write to please; you have to worry so much about others judging you. This is why some people choose to remain anonymous and quiet.

    This reminds me of Livejournal communities. I like to randomly browse through a couple, and there was this girl who I thought was being a bit attention seeking cos she posted a "goodbye" post when she wanted to leave the community (which was an open community). People got nasty though, until the girl "cried". SERIOUSLY. Its the internet. I wanted to laugh reading the bitching going back and forth :P Seriously, why couldn't the girl just STOP READING, since she wanted to leave the community, just leave?? It happens a lot though, people like to slam each other in and out based on appearance/ dress sense/ choice of bands/ whatever. I suppose the internet, the lack of face-to-face communication makes people bolder to say what they really feel to another person, without the neccessity of confrontation. But that's just plain irresponsible, I think. Cos your selfishness and lack of tact hurts someone even more deeply simply because the other party cannot see your face. One always assumes the worst in this kind of situation.

    I say this with slight guilt, because I too have been guilty of typing "hate comments" to people I dislike. I never realised the impact of my little "witty" "funny" comments I made, until I read really, really mean ones. It woke me up from my little bitchy ones. My comments might not be as evil; but it would still hurt the other party. So no more anonymous commenting for me, unless its to make things better. You have my word.

    Please do not send me hate mail if you don't like what I said. Seriously, just LEAVE. Its that simple. If you don't like something that's going on, the "X" button on the right hand corner is something that is very easy to click. No harm done :)

    Wednesday, June 22, 2005, 01:16 a.m., comment?
    happy news!
    I want to go to the Zoo!!! First jean told me all sorts of wonderful things, like how you can now pet the animals; and how the place is cleaner and such. Then Elayne said there's a Ben and Jerry's parlour there now! How cool is that!! I need to go there just so I can say I was at the "Ben&Jerry's parlour" and my mouth is WATERING thinking of all the icecream I can eat! YAY elayne has promised that we will skip one day of lectures and go. anyone else keen?

    I think I've got a fever, from not sleeping well. The damned cat decided to sleep on the middle of my bed and refused to move. I had to sleep AROUND it. Bahhh. Animals. They really refuse to accept who is master, and who is pet. :P

    Monday, June 20, 2005, 02:11 a.m., comment?
    I appreciate all the darling people around me who've given me support all along. I guess I'd semi-forgotten how much sweeter friends can be compared to, ugh, boyfriends. HAHAHAH I'm saying this to piss you off, Martin ;) To those wonderful people who believe that I can stay true to myself in Uni: Ngeesh, Shili, Yun, Fatma, Charms, Wey, Elayne (I can only remember encouragement online!); I will remember you everytime I start to say, "I suppose so bahz" or something to that effect. And I will stop myself. And I promise to try to enjoy NTU instead!! =)

    I forgot to tell you guys that the two fighting doggies (baby gary and vincy bigdog) fought the other day, and I tried to be a hero, so I tried separating the two. Vincy the idiot scratched me and my hand bled. I pray that nothing'll happen to me, heh. Visit me if I get a fever and end up in the hospital! I think I'm rather protective of Gary.. is it because he's a male dog or cos he's really the cutest dog? I'm not sure. Bah.

    I will start sleeping earlier from today onwards =)

    Sunday, June 19, 2005, 03:05 a.m., comment?
    I think this is what I want. Thanks mark for introducing it to me and Elayne darling for dl-ing it =)

    The First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
    This is the first day of my life
    Swear I was born right in the doorway
    I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
    Theyíre spreading blankets on the beach

    Yours was the first face that I saw
    I think I was blind before I met you
    I donít know where I am, I donít know where Iíve been
    But I know where I want to go

    So I thought Iíd let you know
    That these things take forever, I especially am slow
    But I realized how I need you
    And I wondered if I could come home

    I remember the time you drove all night
    Just to meet me in the morning
    And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
    You felt as if you just woke up

    And you said, this is the first day of my life
    Glad I didnít die before I met you
    Now I donít care, I could go anywhere with you
    And Iíd probably be happy

    So if you wanna be with me
    With these things thereís no telling, weíll just have to wait and see
    But Iíd rather be working for a paycheck
    Than waiting to win the lottery

    Besides maybe this time itís different
    I mean, I really think you like me

    Sunday, June 19, 2005, 02:29 a.m., comment?
    i cant take my eyes off of you
    Sometimes one gets nostalgic. For example, listening to loveydovey music. I like accoustic versions of most songs. I like hearing the simple, rough quality of the singer's voice, uneditted. I like listening to the strumming of the guitar, as opposed to great big bang background music. I like people who write their own music, it inspires me. I hope someone will sing a self-written song to me one day. HAHAHAHA!

    Sorry to all who was offended by my ahlian-ish antics today. It was fun pretending to be one, but sure as hell tiring to type like one. I'm back to normal, Fatma please don't stop talking to me!!! :)

    I want a little brother, just because I like little boys. What kind of mother will I be if I get little girls instead of little boys????? I won't be biased, right?

    My sister is sick of me bragging that Singapore A Levels are tougher than the ones in Malaysia, under Cambridge. She claims that the Singapore-prepared paper is easier than the normal papers. She says that if its so difficult, why do so many people still score distinctions? My explanation that its cos if we did the UK paper EVEN MORE ppl'd get their As doesn't sway her from her thoughts. sigh. Help?

    I'm addicted to cute music at the moment.

    Saturday, June 18, 2005, 04:33 p.m., comment?
    ~~ a PreVIeW oF Mi in E nEaRR FutURE***

    Heyloz every1!

    This is mi after havin studying in ntu fer abt 3 mths* wah time has passed so FAST!!~~~~ I LurVE my school so, so muchies and i aDOReee the lyf here. I Lurve my frenz they all 2! >.< i wun eva regretZ it!^^^ Sianz i dunno wat 2 say in my lil blogz!

    cute mi!

    What do u think of the future me? Will anyone still read my blog??? I'm having a headache just reading these few lines. LOL.

    Saturday, June 18, 2005, 03:43 a.m., comment?
    listen up!
    Actually, yes, I know its not too late to go back and tell Law, "I made a wrong choice, give me a place again", but I can't bring myself to do it, cos:
    • I'm a stubborn and arrogant piece of shit
    • I like thinking I decided to choose ntu for a reason (higher powers might be involved u know!)
    • I can't be bothered to figure out financial issues for nus if i change now, plus i've filled in ntu forms and lili will have no roommate!
    • So many people who got law at 1st rejected law, so there must be something thats not so great about it! IE: try to remember why u didnt wanna go there at 1st, rachel!
    • Yeah, u know, like, i don't really like studying law, i just wanna do it cos its more prestigious, and nonis will be my junior, that cutie ;)

    Yeah. finances seem to be in a big mess at the moment, cos I'm spending so much online, I'm not sure where the $$ goes to. HMPH. anyhow, I am confused with myself and what I want to do. Also, my phone is SCREWED UP!!! I keep receiving the same msges from singapore that actually can come thru, again and again and again and again and again. I need not say how many agains. Also, I was supposed to sleep like half and hour ago, but I ended up surfing Sorry I lied, Jean, I just felt kinda all empty inside so I decided not to sleep yet :)

    I'm real tired now though. I ate 7 helpings of the shepard pie my mum made today. I feel bloated but very happy :)

    Friday, June 17, 2005, 09:50 p.m., comment?
    Nardev is my Anderson senior, who went to VJ then NTU. Here is his take on NTU: - need i say more says:
    i am sorry to report chances are u'll become an ah lian - need i say more says:
    seriously... - need i say more says:
    the place is nice... - need i say more says:
    ppl are friendly - need i say more says:
    but eng is a language barely known in this place

    Kill me now. Its better than dying slowly.

    Friday, June 17, 2005, 04:43 p.m., comment?
    i really like these:
    Anyone know of any alternatives? These are from Fredericks:

    And these are from Gap:

    Friday, June 17, 2005, 01:17 a.m., comment?
    so there.
    All you do is talk about how things arent the same anymore. But I don't see you trying. I gave u a chance. I guess I shouldn't have bothered.

    Wednesday, June 15, 2005, 07:57 p.m., comment?

    do u think i can still buy old TVB serials? I need this one, I SWEAR. can't wait for tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, June 15, 2005, 01:18 a.m., comment?
    whet your appetite:
    with more pictures from the wonderful "Ups and Downs in the Sea of Love" show that I am reminiscing and loving for the 2nd time :) :) :)

    Image hosted by
    My fav pic of him cos I liked the way he SMILED here :)

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    This reminds me of the fall later on, teehee

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    They look so good together!

    Image hosted by
    My baby looking all lost :(

    I wish I could find that HOT SIZZLING PIC of them kissing.
    Okay I think I'm harboring on obsession, my dad's comp wallpaper is now, yeah, them. and I desperately want the music to the series!!!!!! I also want to OWN the damn set, to watch again and again until I get sick of it!!! Christine, is this how you feel about phantom?????

    Tuesday, June 14, 2005, 09:00 p.m., comment?
    i want nick cheung to sing for me, eat me, whatever, he can take me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I think my obsession is going overboard. Erhm.

    You'll Be My Love

    My love, till you are near
    I long for your touch
    you are the only one

    with you I know I'll find love that I need
    Love for a life time

    So please believe it's true
    Our love will see us thru
    For one heart share by two
    We'll always stand, now and forever you will be my love

    Thru the sun, or all thru the rain
    And for all time You'll always be my love

    So please believe it's true Our love will see us thru
    For one heart share by two

    We'll always stand, now and forever
    Thru the sun, and all thru the rain

    And for all time
    You'll always be my love
    Thru the sun, and all thru the rain

    You'll always be my love, or all thru the rain
    And for all time
    You'll always be to be my love

    Monday, June 13, 2005, 03:09 p.m., comment?
    I am seriously starting to fear that I might dislike my life in NTU. Here's why:

    yoz everyone..."

    Welcome to our FIRST ever, one and only HSS FOC!! after months of preparations, we are here to present YOU "HORUS: The First Flight". It is BEST in NTU and SINGAPORE ar!! Hee!! Hee!!"

    Yup, from the cool and exciting camp orientation package for the faculty of humanities and social sciences.

    Monday, June 13, 2005, 01:06 a.m., comment?
    thank you
    Above All
    Michael W. Smith

    Above all powers
    Above all kings
    Above all nature
    And all created things
    Above all wisdom
    And all the ways of man
    You were here
    Before the world began

    Above all kingdoms
    Above all thrones
    Above all wonders
    The world has ever known
    Above all wealth
    And treasures of the earth
    There's no way to measure
    What You're worth

    Laid behind the stone
    You lived to die
    Rejected and alone
    Like a rose
    Trampled on the ground
    You took the fall
    And thought of me
    Above all

    Sunday, June 12, 2005, 08:55 p.m., comment?
    so i finally admitted it.
    I'm scared of the big, bad world, where men want more than just your emotional love in a relationship; where innocence is lost; where money reciprocates love; where you are judged by your exterior rather than what you are made of.

    Because I know that already, I am part of this judgemental system.

    Sunday, June 12, 2005, 01:20 a.m., comment?
    i still can't bring myself to say that you're not mine anymore :(

    i try to distance myself because i dont want to hurt anymore.

    Sunday, June 12, 2005, 12:32 a.m., comment?
    Weird. Today I am in a good mood. I left little gwen an email cos I think she's upset about something (I shan't mention it here). Darling hope you don't feel so upset, I think she didnt mean it, but I'm quite sure u hate her now. xoxoxoxo and i luvya hun.

    Almerick also made me laugh a lot today, which doesn't happen a lot, I can tell ya. I think I tried to matchmake him and Elisa. I think I try to matchmake people way too often. When will someone matchmake ME, I sometimes think, LOL. But seriously, it never happens, cos I wonder if I look too, uhm, confident, too uninterested, or too attached. Bah I'm dropping my attached look soon! I still wanna feel this for now :)

    Ohhh and poor peijun was upset today, but I tried to cheer her up *beams* Which is rare for me cos normally I'm in such a bad mood myself. I think banning myself from shopping is a good thing!! I dont feel stressed over money too :P

    I'm not sure what this post is about, but today I'm alright with people, a lot of people mass msning me and it doesnt irritate me. I think my PMS is over!

    Friday, June 10, 2005, 02:51 p.m., comment?
    my waiting list
    to make myself stop buying, let me think of things i have in singapore that i haven't collected yet:

    From darling sandra
    my tote
    my cassandra
    my jenna in a smaller size
    skindazzles if she bought them in the end
    ohohoh! my dry skin mist, i need it!!

    From darling gwen
    my ON kitten heels
    my abercrombie tank
    my rhinestone hobo

    From darling elayne
    my AE bag from my darlings!!
    my AE Polo
    my UO suede sandals
    my UO tee
    Ngee's bracelet!

    From darling charms
    my abercrombie flower denim
    my kiana
    my gojane plum tank
    my abercrombie sleep pants
    my tarts!!
    my ON kids heart bag
    my ON capris
    my charlotte russe skirts
    my catrina
    my delias and f21 tops

    From darling angelicstar
    my ON Kids polo!!
    my potential AE bag

    From darling wendee
    my abercrombie flipflops
    my abercrombie undies

    From darling huiling
    my hollister crop
    my hollister polo
    my abercrombie kids crop
    my abercrombie kids tee
    Uhm, I can't remember if I have anything more at the moment...

    Friday, June 10, 2005, 01:09 p.m., comment?
    email convo
    From: Rachel Lim
    Reply-To: Rachel Lim
    To: Martin
    Date: Jun 10, 2005 1:17 AM
    Subject: wheeeeeeeeee

    Where did u go while I was making supper! I'd have shared bacon with you ;)

    Gnite then!! :)


    From: Martin
    To: Rachel Lim
    Date: Jun 10, 2005 10:29 AM
    Subject: Re: wheeeeeeeeee

    I had unsuccessfully tried to sleep earlier... I went back online around 2 for about 10 mins.. :P

    No u wouldnt!! u would've eaten it all! Nyahahaha..


    From: Rachel Lim
    Reply-To: Rachel Lim
    To: Martin
    Date: Jun 10, 2005 10:55 AM
    Subject: Re: wheeeeeeeeee

    im nice
    im nice
    im nice


    i share, not like u!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    End of weird conversation I just felt like putting up.

    Friday, June 10, 2005, 12:15 a.m., comment?
    "wah lau"
    Im in a really pissed off mood now. How can so many bad things happen after I take a fucking bath!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Elisa's overdue ebay item got a strike. Then she couldn't pay cos the atm machine wasn't working or something. so I was mildly annoyed.

    2. Theeeeen LJ girl said items would def take more than a week to arrive. Got pissed. We paid $8.50 for shipping within US you know. Then she said maybe wrong address, but she's not responsible for lost mail? WTH obviously her fault! PLUS HER STUPID SIS FORGOT TO PUT DELIVERY CONFIRMATION AND TRACKING!! If the stuff are gone, and she sticks to her "I'm not responsible for lost mail thing shit", I'd be really, really fucking angry. I am now :( She said she went to the post office to check. I sure hope everything is alright.

    3. STUPID ABERCROMBIE. we ordered polkadot flipflops a few hours too late, and the price went up by $5fuckingusd. WHAT THE HELL???????

    4. okay i can't remember what are the rest of the bad news, but I am really angry after this. Don't know how I can sleep tonight :(

    Thursday, June 9, 2005, 08:28 p.m., comment?
    My celebrity obsession is back. Since Triumph to the Skies, this is the 1st show that makes me smile and go all goooey inside and warm and happy. Yeah. The last time that happened I was like, twelve. OMG I'M A HORMONAL TEENAGER IN LOVE WITH NICK CHEUNG *swoooons*SLURP*

    Image hosted by


    Wednesday, June 8, 2005, 11:25 p.m., comment?
    lawlawlaw i regret not doing lawlawlaw
    Shit. Chrystle Quek the hottest girl in school is doing Law! Now I regret rejecting law, I could've gone there and stalked her!!! Hahahahah just kidding. Its just that all the super smart people are going to Law and if I had accepted Law I'd be deemed as super smart together with them!! Maybe Chrystal and I could be friends or something, she is tooo hot :)

    I'm such a loser, wahahahahahaha. :( Imagine if I had chosen law, i'd be amongst the elite................ But I'd also have to work very hard cos they are all super smart. *ERASE DREAM*

    chant: i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law i am happy i chose arts over law


    To their respective partners, this is just meant as one of those posts you don't take seriously, okay? Hehe. :P

    Wednesday, June 8, 2005, 06:13 p.m., comment?
    Guess who is sweaty and hot and all worked out?

    Dad just went to Sabah so I have to take the three (Snowy can go by herself with Mum) dogs for their walk. And since I'm tiny and weak and can't handle all three at once, I have to take them all... one by one. Yes you heard right. Today for half and hour, I worked my butt off exercising more than I have... In MONTHS!! Running up the hills with the damned dogs was nothing I ever pictured. Its so tiring!! Its also eating into my TVB Serial Drama 6-10.30 slot. But nevermind, I love these dogs. :)

    And maybe one week of exercise will do me good!

    Wednesday, June 8, 2005, 01:34 p.m., comment?
    Here's little gary now, 2 days after settling in! He likes our humble abode very much :) and he likes spending time with ME!!!! so i like him loads to. I think the other dogs are jealous, yikes! Gary can't sit still though, its hard to take piccies of him:

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    yay new dog! See that pic of him under my chair? Yup that's his new little hiding place. Cutieeee 3/4 month old doggie that I hope will stay this fat and short forever!!

    Wednesday, June 8, 2005, 01:04 p.m., comment?

    I really like this but its not in my size, plus its on SALE for $15USD. Someone HAS to take this. Yikes!

    Wednesday, June 8, 2005, 02:18 a.m., comment?
    red fetish

    Image hosted by

    Ever since Alme showed me these from BEBE, I want them loads. $112USD I think. YIKES!!

    Except that, I already have these cute alternatives:

    Image hosted by

    can't wait to wear them!!! :) :) :)

    Today I paid for my Gap suede hobo; sequinned flower bag and Old Navy Clutch :) Yesterday I paid for my 3 Delias and F21tops. I hope they reach netshop ASAP!

    Tuesday, June 7, 2005, 09:36 p.m., comment?
    yes this is how mundane my life has become:

    Part Passionate Kisser

    For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

    Part Expert Kisser

    You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

    Tuesday, June 7, 2005, 01:03 p.m., comment?
    look what i got in the mail:
    I think ntu is kinda cute :) I just received this in the mail:

    Image hosted by
    Image hosted by

    (sorry for the quality, i took it in front of the comp cos i was lazy to move :P)

    YES!! They sent me what appears to be my matriculation number in that cute little "bag" complete with my NTU name card and NTU key to the university! Hahahahahahaha. I dunno why I'm highly amused, but I am! ;)

    I am becoming increasingly confident that I'll be a lot happier doing Arts than Law! Chun accepted Law, so good luck to her! :) She works hard anyway so I'm sure she'll cope just fine. As for me, I'm looking forward to having more time to do the important things in life. First step for me is to find friends who'll pool with me in uni cos I really need to get my pool skills down!!! I am such a loser. :(

    Martin seems shocked that I actually thought of taking up Law instead of Arts (He was gone to London la, during my entire drama ;P). Was it really that unlike me to want to do Law? Some people who really know me can put my behavior down to that of being competitive. And I know that I am since, forever. Hahahahaha. But that seems like such a long time ago. I was really confortable in JC I think, such that I didn't feel the need to be the best, I didn't feel like I needed to prove anything to anyone, maybe cos I was kinda "in my element" for TSD and Math, so that was that. But I am pretty sure I still have that competitive streak in me! The inner scary top malaysian material that wants to be free!!!!!

    But its alright, I'll stick to being artsy fartsy. Goodbye to Law, there's no more chance for me to get back in already. I'm heading towards NTU and NUS is waving its goodbye to me...

    I think with my current self, no one remembers I used to do debate, and even won best speakers before ;) I also doubt anyone remembers the intellectual me; I think my sister was rather shocked when I started rambling on a bit the other day. I think people were shocked that I got into Law, right Mark? Wahahah. Anyway, I don't care la, I shall be happy doing something that'll be a lot less stressful to the brain. :) Who said I liked challenges? I don't. Alright, I'll go back to being a bimbo if it makes the world happy. *bimbotic smile*

    I want to say something though. I am so envious of others who have the opportunity to go overseas to pursue their studies. I wish I had the financial means as well :( Jasmine, congrats on getting the scholarship (Did Del get one as well? Her nick says she's going overseas too right?); Yas for having the will and letting that dream happen; Lynn, you'll excel in US I know you will; Yun, because you deserve it more than anyone I've ever, ever known; Martin, I'll always love you, my closest closest friend!!

    I sometimes wonder if I had put in that EFFORT earlier, if I had bothered, if I had known that I could do it, would I have gotten down to serious work, would I have gone ahead to be some super over-achiever and take 2 Spapers and work like mad for my Math S? Yeah and now I remember that I let that Econs S go.. How would I know that I could actually do Econs??? Why didn't I try to find out earlier? Why didnt I try to do well? I think I let this blissful state (which is quite a bad thing, please don't let urself go in JC) sedate my mind and I forgot my dreams of the past :( How come I let myself be happy and comfortable in my mediocrity? I now wish I had spent my time differently, I wish I had put in the extra effort, I wish I didn't PROCRASTINATE.

    Aiyah, its all over. I should stop thinking about it. Maybe if I put in the effort now there's still that chance for postgraduate....

    I think I am just unhappy at this very moment that I was born Malaysian and hence my merits are treated unfairly. I wish I wish I wish things could be different sometimes, just because. But I am thankful for everything in life, grateful to God for giving me this lifepath, I just sometimes, like every greedy person on earth, wonder how things would be like if life were different.

    Monday, June 6, 2005, 09:29 p.m., comment?
    gosh, i'm not THAT gone, alright?
    Apparently I shop too much and way beyond my budget. Now who are you to judge me because you don't know how much my buying costs, nor do you know how it all happens. Stop telling me to stop, stop telling me what to do with my life, and no, I'm not buying $100s and $100s worth of goodies that I can't afford to pay them all off. I like the way I'm living now alright? Shopping just happens to be my favourite pasttime and since I have nothing else to do I sometimes buy more things than I need so I sell them off. You can invest your money some other way, I'll invest my money this way, alright? Obviously I shop with money I make from selling stuff, so that really is like MY money I earn and I can jolly well do whatever I want with it, no? I just like the way these skirts look so I like to buy them. Its like collections. So abercrombie skirts are my collections. Leave me be, Geeeez. :(

    Monday, June 6, 2005, 08:46 p.m., comment?

    You Are Boy Shorts!

    You're stylish, trendy, but not over the top. You know how to look good - without looking like you're trying too hard. Men think that you're cute, friendly, and approachable. And you've got a spunky, fiesty side that comes out after a while!

    What Kind of Panties Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

    Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

    Monday, June 6, 2005, 03:11 p.m., comment?
    new dog gary just arrived! :)

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    The shop owner said the dog was too fierce (it growls when you're in the vicinity of like, 2 ft away from it, heh) so he gave to our dog-loving family. Its sooooooo cute!!

    Monday, June 6, 2005, 12:20 p.m., comment?
    Where the hell is the postman? I'm getting upset.

    Mail that haven't arrived:
    ON CLUTCH (sent25th)
    ABERCROMBIE SKIRTS x2 (sent 26/5)

    Monday, June 6, 2005, 12:57 a.m., comment?
    the song stuck in my head
    The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
    And so it is
    Just like you said it would be
    Life goes easy on me
    Most of the time
    And so it is
    The shorter story
    No love, no glory
    No hero in her sky

    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes...

    And so it is
    Just like you said it should be
    We'll both forget the breeze
    Most of the time
    And so it is
    The colder water
    The blower's daughter
    The pupil in denial

    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes off of you
    I can't take my eyes...

    Did I say that I loathe you?
    Did I say that I want to
    Leave it all behind?

    I can't take my mind off of you
    I can't take my mind off of you
    I can't take my mind off of you
    I can't take my mind off of you
    I can't take my mind off of you
    I can't take my mind...
    My mind...
    'Til I find somebody new

    Sunday, June 5, 2005, 11:56 p.m., comment?
    I'm slowly erasing the memories, even if I didn't mean to. Its inevitable. I will be alright in the end, cos my brain is taking away what is no longer important to me. I dunno if I wanna run away like Joel (Eternal Sunshine) to preserve all the happy memories; or let it fade away so I can heal.

    My mother and I had a huge fight today. I realise now no matter how many battles I win, I will never win the war with her. What is the point?

    Sunday, June 5, 2005, 03:09 a.m., comment?
    a new layout :)
    i got sick of having a sweet layout so i made a sweeter one. it was time anyway. the other one has been there since dec04.